when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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