too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
