If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
