Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
