I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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