I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
