I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
