You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
