Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
