I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
