So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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