Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
