Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize