Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
