i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
