no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
