sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
