i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He better not be in your backpack
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
