News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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