i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
