Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
