i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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