just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
