she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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