I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
