i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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