I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
