Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you win again, gameday.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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