I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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