I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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