I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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