It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
