i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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