Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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