Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I FOUND THE LEGS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize