She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
