I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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