Buhtt sex?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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