my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
