i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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