This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
