guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
