I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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