Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
