He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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