her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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