they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
