Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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