I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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