why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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