I love black thongs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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