Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
