i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
