I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
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I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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