dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
