You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
