Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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