you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize