Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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