Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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