You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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