Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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