you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He shit in the fireplace
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
