i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
